what if i had never chosen to give into lust? my first experience eight guys ago..what if we had simply kept our hormones in check and decided not to? where would i be today? what if i had never dated anyone? i so long for that feeling of purity and innocence once more, something i know will never come back to me. i yearn to get this devil off my shoulder of feeling the need to have a man by my side in order to be happy with my life. i must learn to be alone, even when the loneliest of nights come. only after i truly appreciate the beauty of being on my own will someone worthy of my time and love come along. good night i hope.

I’m so stupid. I can’t believe it. For three weeks, I let you in. You had fucking potential to me. I cared so fucking much about you, and you know what? You didn’t care so much as to let me know anything. I come to sleepover with you and you just leave me in your bed to stay up all night talking to my friend. I don’t mind so much that you talked to her, but more to the fact that you poured your heart out to her. I’ve been here for you since I’ve met you and done absolutely everything in my power to make sure that you were satisfied with whatever was going on, but fuck it. I should’ve never hooked up with you and I should’ve never invested so much tone and effort and feelings into you. Fuck it. On to the next one, I guess.

peaceloveinspiration:

There is a chemical in a girls’ brain is released only two different times in her life, when she has sex, and when she breast feeds her baby. This chemical emotionally connects her to another person for the rest of her life. Us guys? We only release this chemical when we bond with our children. So if you think sex is a game and go around fucking as many girls as you want, remember that you will mentally mess this girl for the rest of her life. If you’re still friends afterwards then whatever, but she will always have the same feeling toward you because of this chemical. Just a little bit of science.

to do anything. I’ve fallen into this slump of sitting on my ass and literally doing basically nothing. All I’ve done today is eat, sleep, and watch tv (other than buying breakfast and going to the mechanic). Please, Lord, help me get out of this stage of my life.

I love you, A. But this is definitely putting up a block between us. I want school to be your number one. Maybe we weren’t meant to last longer than vacations…

The feelings are there. don’t get me wrong. i like you but at the end of the day…it’s not enough. i can’t sleep without talking to you, but i can’t keep you there just for my convenience if there could be someone else who could love you better than i can. i can’t be selfish. ugh. life dude.

option- a thing that is or may be chosen 

That’s all I am to everyone. Merely an option. Never their first choice. It honestly sucks to feel this way, especially considering that I basically have one friend I go to and I can’t even be her first choice. Seriously, I feel like such a failure in everything. I spent my last year truly investing into these friendships, only to realize…these people don’t even give a fuck about me. And lemme tell you that shit fucking hurts. 

I need me a guy friend that can go with me to watch movies. Or take me to LACMA or to Griffith. I seriously miss having someone who is dfw with me and blah blah.

Lately, I’ve been having some unhealthy feelings toward my relationship. Not necessarily the person I’m in it with, but just things I need to get off my chest.

I’m too young to be having a long distance relationship. It’s too hard when I’m still living under my parents’ roof, which means their rules. I can do as much as possible to try and see you the day you’re here, but pointblank…they’re not digging me going out, my ass is gonna be home all day long.

We live hundreds of miles apart and when I wanna go out shopping you’re not gonna be there to do it with me. Same goes for movies I wanna watch, places I wanna eat, museums I want to go to. We’ll never be able to do all the things I want to and it sucks.

I got my needs too, you know. This isn’t mean completely in a sexual way, but when I wanna get some, I wanna get some from you. I want to hold your hand. I want to hug you. I want to kiss you. I’m not the type to try and do that situation on the phone and I’m definitely not down for it.

Right now, you’re failing to do what you always do…be my shield from feelings of the one before you. If I can’t talk to you I get really lost and start thinking about him and missing him.

I really have no idea why I’ve been feeling like this. Thank every guy before you who gave me reasons to second guess.

It just sucks for me to have to hang out with other couples where they can always be together and I don’t have that opportunity. I love you, but it’s too much for me. Help me out here :/

I always seem to fall for the asshole or the one I can’t have for whatever reason. I guess I’m always in it for the thrill of the chase. I’ve found myself in this situation of having one but an interest in another too many times. Why is the unobtainable always the most attractive to me? I got me my man right now, but him being so far away and almost always unavailable to be there for me all the time, I can’t help but be tempted by other options. No, I’ve never technically physically cheated on someone, but in ways I guess my feelings have. Ideally, of course I want to stay with you when I go to college. There’s no denying I have strong feelings for you. It’s evident in the fact seven months later with barely seeing you I’m still here with you. You’re the one I speak with every night before I sleep and the first text every morning. However, you can’t deny the fact that there was a moment that I had my lapse and turned to someone else. Then the factors that I once hooked up with someone (although it was before we were as serious as we are now), I still mess around with other guys (not sexually), and the fact I’ll dance with other guys and basically do what I want. I guess it’s messed up, but what can I do? I had a hunch when I got into this relationship I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to trust myself with you being so far away.

You, on the other hand. Def digging you. You’ve got me interested and the sad part is when you mentioned how big of an asshole you are that should have been an instant warning for me to stay away, but it definitely compelled me. I’m definitely attracted to you. Yeah, your physical appearance is what initially drew me to you, but I’m very intrigued by your characteristics. A genius stoner? That’s definitely not new to me but the way you present it, I can’t help but be interested in you. The way you speak and your nature, I don’t know. For the start of a chase I like it. I know if I really want, I could get you. I wasn’t the only one showing interest.

Once again, I’m lost in my thoughts. help me out here you two! Please :/

I’m cleaning my room right now, or at least attempting to and I stumbled upon my junior yearbook as I always do. I began the ritual of opening it up and flipping it to the exact page where you signed. I read it and of course, my eyes got a little watery. But there was a difference this time. Rather than thinking of our relationship and how we’re no longer in it, I read everything you wrote and took it to heart. I thought of all the feelings we both had for each other and I thought of how happy we were together at that point. We’ve been broken up for almost a year now and I think you finally decided you’re whatever with me now which makes me so happy. Not saying I’m hopping on the opportunity to be your friend again, but it’s nice to know you hopefully won’t be giving me those dirty looks everytime we’re at the same party. The year we had together was nothing short of perfect for me, disagreements, fights, arguments included. You taught me if there’s someone I really want, I need to fight for it. Unfortunately it wasn’t the same feeling for you, but it’s okay. Every relationship is a learning experience and you taught me a lot. We both grew a lot in each other, even though your growing took you in a different direction. I’m glad we broke up cause looking at how we both are now, I don’t think I could have handled the person you became and the person I would become trying to hold onto you. I can now look back at our relationship and actually smile at the thought of it-how for a year you were my happiness and how much we loved each other. There’s no denying we both will never experience another relationship like that. I’m never gonna love or feel for someone the way I felt for you. You were definitely my first love and I’m always gonna have something for you no matter where life takes the both of us. I hope one day we can run into each other and you’ll be the first to say hello and offer to take me out to lunch to talk and catch up on everything we’ve missed out on with each other. Hopefully you’ll find someone that will treat you just as well as I did, or maybe even better and that you’ll treat her and show her an equal amount of love, if not more. I know if I ever encounter that day, I’ll be one jealous girl, but I’ll still be happy for you. I love you so much. Please don’t ever forget that and most importantly, don’t forget me. I’ll always be here for you no matter what. I hope in the future you’ll still think of me and smile thinking about everything we shared.